When I see the world through the eyes of judgment, all I receive is judgment.
In 2019, I hated myself and my life. I hated my job. I was angry at myself and I was so incredibly mad at how unhappy I was. I was drowning in an ocean of deep self-judgment.
Looking out at the world with those eyes, I saw more unhappiness, drudgery and judgment.
It felt like the world was unfair and that all these external things, like my job for one, were the cause of my suffering.
Through these eyes, I wasn’t in touch with reality. I was in touch with a version of reality that was being filtered through the story of ‘I’m not good enough.’
I kept seeing how I wasn’t good enough to get a new job, to break free from anxiety, to live a life of peace and happiness. The list was endless.
No matter how many hundreds of powerful acknowledgements I would receive, I would always find a negative to dwell on; to drown in.
I ignored the beautiful acknowledgements that my friends, family and colleagues would say to me, including my husband Amit, because it didn’t fit with the judgement of ‘I’m not good enough.’
I’d think things like, ‘Pssst they don’t know the real me!’
At our wedding reception, Amit stood up and said: ‘The one thing I love about Rajni is that if you spend any amount of time with her, I guarantee you will walk away from that conversation feeling happier. The funny thing is, she doesn’t even realise this about herself.’
My brother, Harpal, also stood up and gave a speech and he said: ‘You are the gem of our family. I am so proud of you.’
I was moved to tears and on some level, I couldn’t deeply accept such beautiful acknowledgements, even from the people closest to me. I pretended to, but deep down I was still seeing the world through self-judgment.
Over the past 3 years, I have been cultivating a deep and loving relationship with myself. I have taken off thousands of pairs of glasses, all self-judgmental lenses from which I have been viewing the world.
By being in loving forgiveness of myself, I am getting in touch with reality in ways I have NEVER experienced before.
I have learned how to deeply receive and accept acknowledgements and how to acknowledge myself, with deep love, without ‘faking’ it.
Now, I am drowning in love.
A love so deep that it feels like there is a vast universe within me, expanding as each moment goes by.
Without the heaviness of judgment, I am free to see the reality of what is, and I am free to give and receive love.
Their photos are some of the love that I am graciously accepting. This love is showing me a powerful reflection of who I am being. What a blessing it is to receive these powerful words.
I have decided to make a book of powerful acknowledgements that I have written myself and that I have received. Creating and printing this book is an act of being in touch with my greatness and loving myself, rather than being down on myself.
Some people may read this and judge me. That’s ok because I am no longer judging me π
Judging myself less has transformed my life.
I dare you to love yourself more, and judge yourself less.
What can you acknowledge yourself for, right now? Would you be willing to express your love for you in the comments?
Love
Rajni π
